|
A.
BEFORE THE GAME
As the
season begins, parents are encouraged to ask themselves the
following questions:
*Do you
want them to play? If so, why?
*What will be a successful season for you as a parent?
*What are your goals for them?
*What do you hope they gain from the experience?
*What do you think their role will be on this team?
After
the parents have answered these questions, ask your son/daughter
the following questions: (Just listen without talking.)
*Why
are you playing?
*What is a successful season?
*What goals do you have?
*What do you think your role will be on this team?
Once
the parents have heard their kid's answers and compared them to
their own responses, if both sets of expectations are the same,
great. On the other hand, if the parent's responses are different
from their children's, the kids need their parents to change their
attitudes and accept theirs. NO QUESTIONS.
If the
parent's goals are something other than that, a conflict will
eventually arise.
The
next step is to "release" their son/daughter to the game and to the
coach.
If a
parent feels the need to talk to a coach, he should call and allow
the coach to choose an appropriate time and place.
Appropriate
Discussion Topics:
*Mental or physical treatment of your child
*Ways to help your child improve
*Concerns about your child's behavior
Inappropriate
Discussion Topics:
*Playing time
*Team strategy or play calling
*Other team members
By
releasing their young athlete to the game and coach, the parents
are telling their children that all successes are theirs, all
failures are theirs, and all problems are theirs.
The
dilemma for most adults is that it is easy for them to see
"solutions" in athletic situations and it is too painful for adults
to let their children find their own solutions. Athletics is one of
the best places for young people to take risks and to
fail.
Red
Flags to show that parents haven't released their
child:
*A
parent who is continuing to live his own personal athletic dream
through his child.
*If a parent tends to share in the credit when the child has done
well.
*A parent is trying to solve all of his child's athletic related
problems.
*If a parent is trying to continue to coach his child when the
athlete probably knows more about the game than the parent
does.
*A parent should realize that he is taking things too seriously
when:
-He is nervous before the child's game.
-Has difficulty bouncing back after a defeat.
-Makes mental notes during the game so can give advice later
-He becomes verbally critical of an official.
*When athletes avoid their parents after games or are embarrassed
about heir parent's involvement.
B.
DURING THE GAME
The
single most important contribution a parent can make during a game
is to model appropriate behavior.
The
second responsibility that athletes state they need their parents
to do during the game is to focus on the team and the team's
goals.
The
third thing that kids need during the game is to have only one
instructional voice offering advice. That voice should be the
coach's.
There
are only four roles during a game: spectator, competitor, official,
and coach. You have to pick 1. You can't be more than
1.
If
parents act appropriately, players indicate that they love to have
them present at games. If parents cannot adhere to reasonable
standards of behavior, they would rather have their parents stay
home.
C.
AFTER THE GAME
Most
athletes desperately want their parents to give them time and space
at the end of a game.
When it
comes to recalling their least-enjoyable memory, many athletes will
name "after the game" and often specifically "after the game in the
care with parents." This situation is often when the most
confidence cutting, confrontation, and confusion occurs for the
athlete. Unfortunately, some high school athletes do not want to go
home after the game because they do not want to face the
questioning or criticism. What they need most at these times is
not another coach, but a parent. ("Just be my Dad.")
One comment from a parent that can always be sincerely said and
received by an athlete is "I
love watching you play."
|
